tennis, life and a few things in between

Are you a Mets fan?

Whether the Mets are winning or losing, there is one constant that makes a television broadcast enjoyable – the announcing of Gary Cohen, Keith Hernandez, and Ron Darling. Nationally televised Mets games are usually dreadful because viewers are subjected to announcers not nearly as knowledgeable, insightful, and entertaining as GKR. As a tribute to our announcing trio, I present the Gary, Keith, and Ron Drinking Game. The Mets are causing fans to drink right now, so why not have some fun during broadcasts?

Standard drinking game rules apply, as you should take the appropriate number of sips from your beverage when something on the list happens.

Here is the JamesK’s Gary, Keith n Ron Drinking Game. Keith hasn’t changed much from his playing days with the Mets but Ron gained a lot of weight.

One sip:

• Keith uses the expression “second division” to describe teams like the Padres or Nationals
• The delicious Citi Field food is brought up
• Self-deprecation by Ron
• Keith calls an RBI a “ribeye steak”
• Any reference to Gary and Ron’s Ivy League backgrounds
• Keith talks about Sag Harbor, the eastern Long Island town where he lives
• Frustration with the Mets detected in Gary’s voice
• Keith fondly remembers his days with the Cardinals
• They are wearing powder blue polo shirts
• Ron tells a funny story about Sid Fernandez, Ray Knight, or any other member of the 1980s Mets
• Keith mentions his wife Kai by name
• Anyone calls Citi Field “Shea”
• Keith complains about the lack of aggressiveness by a first baseman
• Gary refers to any single play as a microcosm of the season
• Keith’s scorecard is discussed
• Any mention of Rusty Staub; bonus sip if “Le Grande Orange” is said
• With a full count, 2 outs, and runners on base, Gary says “the merry-go-round is in motion”
• Keith refers to Howard Johnson as “Haji”

Two sips:

• Keith uses the word “boner” to describe a defensive miscue
• Keith tells a non-baseball story from 20+ years ago
• Ron pronounces “Smoltz” as “Schmoltz”
• Ron pronounces “mischievous” as “miss-chee-vee-us”
• Keith tells the viewers to watch David Wright’s shoulder (which is usually “flying open”)
• Ron breaks down Oliver Perez’s mechanics (which change on a daily basis)
• Gary reminisces about an obscure Mets game from the 1970’s
• Ron discusses the latest movie releases (he was quite fond of “Pineapple Express” last summer)
• Keith says “Metsies”
• Gary talks about announcers he admires, like Bob Murphy and Vin Scully
• Anyone says “roughshod”
• Keith refers to baseball fundamentals as “fundies”
• Any mention of Endy Chavez
• The Seinfeld episodes starring Keith are brought up
• Omir Santos is discussed as if he’s here for the long haul
• Ron brings up a member of the local media by name

Three sips:

• The announcers’ SAT scores are discussed
• Gary talks about the New York Jets; bonus sip if it’s about a Jets team that played at Shea Stadium.
• Anyone gushes about Orlando Hudson or David Eckstein
• Gary awkwardly brings up an advanced statistic, like BABIP
• Keith yawns
• Gary describes a batted ball as having been “fisted”, e.g. “he fisted it to shortstop”
• Keith says the word “bulge” in reference to attaining a lead in the division, e.g. “The Mets are in first place in the NL East, with a 3 game bulge over the Phillies”
• Any reference to the classic college matchup between Yale (featuring Ron) and St. John’s (featuring Frank Viola) when Ron threw no-hit ball for 11 innings before losing 1-0
• Keith or Ron talk about their fathers
• Keith talks with food in his mouth

Chug your beverage:

• Keith mentions the brand name Budweiser
• Gary uses the double “It’s Outta Here!”

Drink a White Russian:

• Anyone says the word “dude”